Don't know if I should stay vegan because I feel lonely. Help

So I (18F) have been vegan for 2 years; but lately I'm encountering very hard challenges. Before going vegan I had an ED which remained half treated, but I became vegan in hopes of bettering my relationship with food (which later grew into being vegan as a now, political stance), but I have a huge (for my age) problem. I don't know if I should stay vegan right now. I eat in s*** ways. All I eat is bread and vegan cheese. I'm too lazy to cook real meals. When im eating a decent meal is on take out, which is too expensive for me to always afford. I've become the junk vegan (which is fine) and gained 10 pounds in the last year from just eating cookies, pb and soy milk.

I've tried going to a dietitian. I followed up the plan nicely for 2 months before giving up because all of the cooking is too much for me. I still depend on my parents as I'm in college, I live with them and ask for them money for groceries. I feel bad whenever I have to do so because I don't want to be a burden; but I also don't want to starve. So, call it weak will, but I'm tired of having to always check on food on advance and always cooking myself meals. I don't have the energy to do so. More when I have to do something totally different from scratch that no one else eats.

Also, the society where I live in is very rooted on meat. Surviving the culture has been something interesting, too, but not quite as hard as stoping sharing meals with my family, that has made me sadder than what I expected.

But whenever I think about going back to meat, I have an in suffering feeling of guilt. Visualizing fish, chicken or meat on my plate absolutely terrifies me. I crave the commodity and belonging it used to give me, but it fears me most to eat it again. I'm very conflicted with my morals and feeling again like I belong with my family and friends.

Does anyone has ever deal with this? I've been thinking about taking a break, but it crushes my soul. I really don't know where to put all this.

edit: tyysm for all the comments. I love being vean. I cannot imagine my life contributing to animal explotation and violence once again. I will be talking to my fam. and buying more than just chickpeas and hummus for groceries.