Venting

I’ve been on this sub for a year or two now and there’s something that I keep seeing that has progressively started to bother me more and more over time. I want to preface by saying that I understand that everyone’s experience is different, and I don’t believe anyone is intentionally trying to be insensitive. This is just something that personally bothers me and I just need to talk about it.

I have had vaginismus since I was 14. I’m 20 now and it has not gotten better at all. Literally not the tiniest bit. I’ve had the best boyfriend I could ask for for the last 3 years. He has never even once asked me to try anything. Every single time we have ever tried anything penetrative it has been on my terms and only when I feel 100% okay. He has not and will not ever pressure me or cause me any stress about it.

All of this is to say that I have seen multiple people post about how vaginismus can be cured by getting a partner that supports you. Many different times someone will post “I had vaginismus and then I got with a nice patient guy and it’s gone!”. Of course I feel happy for the people that this works for, but it makes me feel like shit every single time. It feels like it’s implying that if you continue to have these issues it must be that your partner isn’t doing enough or even that they are the cause of it. This is not the case for everyone. There is absolutely NOTHING that my partner could do any better to support me and it has not helped at all. It feels like it’s either implying that there’s something wrong with me that him being supportive and patient isn’t enough, or that he’s secretly not doing enough or something.

I understand that this is no one’s intention when posting these success stories obviously, and again I am happy for anyone that is able to be cured like that. I wish there was an understanding that this is absolutely not something that can help everyone, it would only work in very specific cases. I just needed to get this off my chest because it has been making me weary of going on this sub. I come on here to feel validated and I leave feeling worse. I’m hoping that it’s possible for more consideration when posting about these things, but I also get that this might just be a personal issue I have, and I wouldn’t expect anything to have to change just because of how I feel. Thank you for reading.