really just need this off my chest

i have a 20 month old and a 1 month old. i felt love for her in the beginning but towards 3 months old i got really bad ppd couldn’t even look at her had a friend taking care of her who was living with me.. i never felt that love come back ever. i feel extremely guilty. it’s almost like a hate i just want her to go away sometimes. the whole first year of her life was hell mentally and physically going thru so much abuse from my grandmother just for a house to live in 1 month old i have all the love in the world for even tho she is the hardest baby i’ve had she doesn’t sleep in her bed refuses it. fights everyone even my husband she just wants me. my whole pregnancy with my newborn was homeless living with someone and with my toddler they took care of my toddler days i couldn’t.. but now its me and my husband and my baby and my toddler but i just feel alone. my husband works 24/7 and im always stuck here with these kids..i love my littlest but i feel absolutely nothing towards my toddler. i look at her and feel nothing. idk whats wrong with me.. is it always going to be like this?