Sooo much judgement from family about raising my baby!

I just cannot get over how judgemental my entire family has become. (Or maybe always has been and I've not noticed it before.) And my childless sister has suddenly become a baby expert.

I'm a FTM and currently 35+2 weeks. And due to previous loss earlier this year, I've had a bit of anxiety throughout my pregnancy. My husband and I are not rich, but we're financially secure and we've thought a lot about how to raise our baby. We're so excited.

But my family have become incredibly judgement over the choices we're making. We've decided that since we have friends and family who have children and they've offered their things, that a majority of the stuff we'll get for baby will be secondhand. We've bought cot mattresses and a car seat new but we've been inundated with clothes, slings, toys, baby baths, prams, moses baskets (we've got an entire loft conversion that is now stacked!)

When my dad heard about the things we're getting secondhand, he hit the roof. He said he'd buy all the things we need. He is not rich in any way and I know he'll go for the cheapest options, as long as its new, he doesnt care. This way by going secondhand, we've got some pretty expensive and good quality things! He said you can't give a baby secondhand clothes because other babies have pooped in them. Wtf is that??? Like we don't own a washing machine?

I'm also really conscious of toxic chemicals and I've opted to use my midwifes advice and getting natural ingredients things like water based wet wipes, cotton wool, water, etc. My sister is now sending me message after message of how paranoid I'm being and how I should just get normal wet wipes like everyone else. I can just imagine we'll go through so many wet wipes and I'm conscious of the environment and the sensitivity of my babies skin.

My mum asked about my birth plan to which I said I'm going to try and go unmedicated if I can (I'm terrified of needles so the epidural isn't an option) but I'm not closed down to other options if I really can't handle it, its just my preference. My mum immediately said "you'll get the epidural just like everyone else. You're not a superhero." I said I wanted a water birth and she said "so you want to swim in all that baby gunk that comes out of you?" Its just so judgemental and unnecessary!

I just feel like my choices are being laughed at. My mum and my dad were not terrible parents. But I've had to go through lots of therapy to learn how to communicate with them and I moved 4 hours away from them all for a reason. I just dont feel like they have any grounds to stand on here.

And then they wonder why I dont want them in the delivery room with me!