Spiraling

She posted pictures today of her bridal shower, which was yesterday, along with a countdown to the wedding. It's really got me spiraling, and I feel like I'm gonna explode. It just made it all feel so real, you know? Seeing her smiling with him hurts so much, knowing I can never have that with her. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't feel like I'll ever want anyone but her, but I'll never actually be with her. This wedding feels like I'm watching my impending doom creep closer and closer every day, terrified of how I'll be able to handle it. I know I can't bring myself to attend, even if it's what she wants. She doesn't understand, but if I don't go, I'll feel awful because she won't know why. I don't want to just flake, and I don't want to lie to her, but I'm also terrified of telling her how I truly feel. The entire thing is such a lose-lose scenario, and I don't know what I’m supposed to do or how to handle it.