Talking to conservatives as intersex person about there only being "two sexes"
I'm an intersex person, without going into private details, my body is visibly neither male nor female, here is a summary of the interactions I've had with conservatives, both online and off. Markedly it reveals a lot about their worldview and the limitations, and how when pressed, they never have an answer. Here I will paraphrase and summarize how these conversations go.
- "I don't know what gender you should live as. You have to decide."
"So I'm intersex, you accept that my body is neither male nor female, but you do not accept nonbinary identities as legitimate."
"That is correct."
"In that case, what sex/gender should I live as and how do I know how to decide that?"
This one throws them off.
"How should I know? You just have to decide that for yourself."
"It's very interesting you say that, and I agree. Since we agree on that, what is it about my brain that allows me to be able to determine my gender?"
"What?"
"My brain is just like yours. There isn't a magical gender structure in my brain that informs me of what gender I am that doesn't exist in cis or trans people's brains. How is it that I am capable of deciding what gender I am but a non-intersex transgender person is not?"
Usually from there they blunder off or change the subject and mumble how it's not the same thing. I insist on the question but it's always the same. They know their argument doesn't hold up, so they side step.
-
"Why can't I have a non-binary identity if my body falls out of the binary?"
"Well, because there are only twogenders."
"So is my body male or female?"
"I don't know. How should I know?"
"Here are a list of the traits my body has, which sex would you classify it as?"
"I don't know. Neither."
"Alright, so then why can my gender identity not reflect that? If you insist that body makes gender, then what gender does my body result in?"
"I don't know."
"Am I a woman?"
"No, of course not."
"Am I a man?" (note, I present and am percieved as 100% male except in medical and nude settings.)
"Well, you look like one mostly, but no."
"So what gender am I?"
"I don't know okay?"
-
This topic usually leads to-
- "You're an abnormality/mutation/disordered."
"I disagree, but let's say that I am. (I'll get into why I disagree later.) I am still a human being whose body exists outside the male/female binary model. Even if I am a mutation then I still disprove that there are only two sexes and I still deserve respect and recognition."
"There are so few of you though."
"First, intersex people are about 1.5-2% of the population. Even if it was much rarer, the point would remain the same."
"I don't see why I should have to recognize you as a proper sex though, it's a disorder that should be fixed."
"Disorder is defined by disfunction. My body is healthy and my intersex condition doesn't cause me problems. (note: someone intersex conditions do cause problems, but that does not make it less legitimate.) Your model decides that my body must be inherently wrong."
"Yes, because it's abnormal. We don't look at kids with cleft palates and not fix it, that would be cruel."
"Those are different things, but nonetheless a cleft palate and other variations are still only variations, we only decide to call something 'sick' or 'disordered'.
So my question is-
-
- "What's in it for me?"
"What?"
"How do I personally benefit from your binary model?" (this one also throws them off.)
"What do you mean?"
"You've called my healthy body disordered and suggest it needs changing, but the only reason is because it goes against your model. According to a bimodal model, my body is just another human variation. Doesn't it show a limit to your model's ability if it cannot accomodate for human bodies without deeming them sick?"
"But it's the correct model."
"Why should I stick to it? Give me a pitch, what's in it for me? Why should I stick to it when it creates a society where I'm not accepted?"
"I don't know."
Again, they never have an answer. These conversations account for people who are more open to discussion, but nonetheless, they never have an answer.
-
Finally, you have the more vile bigots who believe intersex people are freaks to either be cured (but we can never really be "fixed" in their system, we'll always carry the taint of having been born "freaks", a stain we can't get rid of.) or destroyed, and this reaction ruins their own argument. If they can only maintain their model by destroying the agents that disprove it, then that proves the fallibility of the model.
In conclusion, the non-acceptance of intersex (and trans) people comes from a Western binary model that came about to subjugate people into classes. If that model is threatened, their power is threatened, whether they know that consciously or subconciously.
I hope this is helpful for some people. As this presidency continues, all of us are going to have to stick together. Intersex people are going to undergo increased discrimination and scrutiny, we already have been made not to exist legally by the government, and the non-intersex part of the LGBT+ community has got to become more informed about us, because our struggles are your struggles.