Feeling like crap has never been so wonderful.

A little background: I smoked every day for 15 years, had a bout of sobriety for almost 3 years, and then started again in the last 2 years. I've tried to quit, a day or two here and there, but then I just don't want to deal with the side effects of doing so and before I know it, there's a joint in my hand. I'm on day 5 today, and I am relishing in the shitty feelings. Headache? Yes, my brain is coming back to normal! Smell like a sweaty pig? Woohoo, I'm detoxing. Irritability? That's ok, I'm getting to feel my feelings instead of numbing them out! Insomnia? Oh well, I just get to talk to you all in this group late into the night. Point is, this time, I'm letting the gross, uncomfortable, mental and physical stuff that comes with sobriety happen. I'm embracing it, not fearing it. I am so lucky that I get to wake up tomorrow and feel like crap, because I stood up for myself and loved myself enough to not let that green monster have control.