Religious sufferers, Should we give a sense to this hell?

I'm Catholic and since I got this condition, I am trying to live my faith to the fullest. I feel very identified with Job, as my mind doesn't stop asking "Why me?". I was improving but I suspect I have reinjured today (unable to get an erection again, like day 1, 6 months ago) and I want to kill myself. I will not do it because life is a gift and I am not so stupid to reject the rest of blessings I have in my life.

I don't want the rest of my days to be merely a battle against this thing, without a higher purpose than finding a cure, while my friends and my family cannot understand what I am going through.

In other times we may have founded a congragation, like the Leprous Knights of Saint Lazarus in the Middle Ages. I don't know what to do on these days. If there are other christians here it would be nice to talk.