Roast Yourself Based on Your Collection

I’m sure you’ve seen the “describe/roast me based on my collection” posts popping around other subs. What if, instead, we roasted ourselves, based on our collections?

I’ll start:

I own Indult Tihota because I wasn’t smart enough to just dab straight vanilla extract on myself

I own Matière Première Encens Suave because no one explained to me that smelling hot is not the same thing as being hot :(

I own Gucci Memoire D’Une Odeur because of my Mommy issues

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Your turn!