Well I couldn’t do it.

Last week I made a post about how I went to the airport and walked around since I had a quick 45 min flight I planned for today. I hadn’t flown since 2019 and had severe anxiety when thinking about flying. Being stuck, claustrophobic etc.

I quit drinking in August and my anxiety went down exponentially. I’ve been reading the book Soar, going to therapy, working out. All the “steps” people tell you to do.

The walking around the airport went great and with no issues.

Well today was the day of the flight. I was a bundle of nerves all morning but went for a run and just pushed through. We get to the airport, we check in, go through security and make it to our gate with about an hour left to board. I start telling myself I can’t do it. But I muster up the courage to get on the little tunnel, and end up boarding the plane. I sit there for a minute with my noise cancellation headphones and my activity book. Seems to be going fine. Then I made the mistake of looking up at my surroundings. I immediately feel like I have to escape. So just as the door is about to close(3 min before closing) I grab my stuff and get off and since then I’ve been feeling so low. So down. I thought I could do this. It’s 30 min in the air and I couldn’t even do it.

I’m now in a very very low place and don’t know what to do from here.

edit I just want to thank everyone who has taken time to respond. I slept HARD last night. I think the exhaustion and disappointment made me super tired. I woke up at home and not in my destination and while that’s disappointing it is still okay. Your words have meant so much ❤️