Alcohol is the best!..

No, not promoting it as something great, it just overrides everything. I'm addicted to many things, but those many things don't have an "open" sign. You have to search for them, bargain for them and compromise with them. Alcohol is just there. Unless you just don't like drinking, it will put you in a corner. It will tell you "hey everybody drinks!" Guess what? To alcohol, you are a nobody. You never will be.

"Booze works for me. I quit pills, heroin and meth. This is okay." No. We work for alcohol. We are keeping it legal. Hell with how much each of us spend, one or two people could keep it going. Alcohol doesn't "negotiate" with us. It won't tell us "hey maybe tomorrow then." There is no fucking tomorrow. I can pay a measly 5 bucks today and it's just a day, right?

Alcohol doesn't gives two fucks about your relationships, because it's so much easier to sustain than loving someone or being loved. Alcohol gives us emotion, regret and sadness for fucking discount prices. That's what we want, right?

I sit here, drinking these cheap beers because well "at least it's not vodka." Yet I sit here so empty because I've filled my pathetic life with more booze than feelings. Every pore of my damned being knows this ain't it, but it's what I can get RIGHT NOW.

I'm posting this nonsense right now because I've been feeling again the last few months. I feel like I'm trying to defrost a glacier with a lighter, but it's happening. I've never thought I'd feel again. I gave up even trying. I'm still not, but it's been there. I've cried so many times lately. I teared writing this. Pussy. I know. I'll never understand how people just "quit." It's my pillows, my comforter everyday.i just know I've never fought like this before, and I needed to get it out.

If you made it through reading this, I appreciate you. If you thought "this fucking is being a dramatic drunk." I understand you. Either way I appreciate it, and you're both right. I love reading your guys struggles and stories. They resonate with me in ways no one or nothing else could. Thank you.