The Life of a Drunk.

Got drunk tonight. Nothing new.

I'm watching American Pie as we speak, but I'm going through my mp3 folder and I realized I've forgotten everything I did when I was young. All the songs, all the movies, all the cultural touchstones, they mean nothing. I've forgotten, or I've gotten out of touch with everything. Even Shannon Elizabeth's tits. I don't remember any of it. I don't care about any of it.

Where did I go wrong? Why can't I remember anything about my life? When did I start drinking? When did I abandon myself for this goddamn fucking shitty ass substance that has made me forget my entire life?

I had a full life. I had women and I had prospects. I had friends and I had people who cared about me. All gone. All lost. Somewhere along the way, the drink took it all away from me. It disconnected me from the life I used to live. It made me lesser.

This drink takes everything from you. It isolates you, penetrates you, invades your brain and makes you ok with the mediocrity that you swore to never court when you were young. It bleeds you of your memories and your hopes and your dreams. It makes you into a zombie that prays for death.

I can't get any of it back. Even if I stopped now, even if I was the most sober person in the world, none of this will return. I have lost it forever. I have given my past, my present and my future to this drink and it has taken it greedily. Nothing will help me now.

What a life we live. What amazing quantities of ourselves do we give up for this. It's amazing how much we're willing to give up for the purposes of being drunk and hazy and less than we could have been.

I don't know what I could have been, or what I might have been if I hadn't found the drink. I just know, I've forgotten who I used to be, who I once was. I will never get it back.

We are strangers on a highway that goes nowhere, stuck in a traffic jam that only we can understand. We look at each other through windows and pray that the image we see isn't what we'll become.

But we all end up at the same place.

Chairs brothers and sisters. We are the damned and the unremembering. It is our fate to suffer in ways that we shall never know as purgatory.