Sex and the breastfeeding mom

Did breastfeeding totally tank your sex drive or is just me? People I've talked to who don't BF just seemed to jump back in sooner. Meanwhile, I'd rather be lit on fire than have sex right now. This is completely opposite of my usual drive which, quite frankly, was insatiable before. I have a lot of anxiety about getting pregnant again because I miscarried our first child, it was a high risk pregnancy when I got pregnant again, and my beloved baby and I both had to be revived during delivery. I also feel disgusting as I gained tons of weight with my pregnancy which is bad on someone recovering from EDs. My PPD isn't helping matters either. And to top it all of I can't see my body as sexual. It feels dirty and wrong to see it as anything but nurturing. Like don't even think about sexualizing my boobs. Cause those are only for milk. (I think I have to over correct because prior to having a baby they were kind of the main event and I need the separation from erogenous zone to "for my son").

Will it ever get better? I'm terrified he's going to go looking elsewhere because it's been since the beginning of my third trimester but I genuinely can't even make myself right now... 😔 he has been so understanding and supportive so far but what if the patience runs out? Aghhhh.