I don't have a chance

I didn't have an option to change. No straight man would ever want me even if I changed for them. I won't be pretty enough or femenine enough.

The best I can do is crossdress and hope for the best. I can't commit beyond that because I'm a hikikomori who can't go outside and unable to take HRT. I don't have my own place and can't live according to my own autonomy.

My face and body are nothing short of disappointing because I'm not very masculine or very femenine either. I am ugly either way.

Men will not see me as very femenine or pretty or anything. I'm too poor for surgery and afraid of surgery.

I am at a loss. Im not that hairy compared to most guys. But, I have an inverted triangle body type. Sure, I have a defined waist and hips and plush buttocks but clearly I'm not going to be femenine enough. My shoulders are kind of wide. My thighs aren't so thick either.

I consider myself a straight person because if a man was into me I'd change for him.

As for women, I'm not sure i can attract them as a guy. They never expressed interest in me so I thought I looked too femenine for them.

It's hard being like this, a crossdresser, because endless shaving and I must be smooth when I'm able to. I am scared I'm just going to look like a twink instead of femenine. If I took HRT, i don't think it would work well for me because I'm 24.