Wooosh and the urge enters the room..

Woke up this morning and had a good 30 seconds of peace, until the darkness creeps in. “Someone” keeps knocking on my door, they aren’t welcome. I ignore them, they walk away for a bit, but just as fast as they left they come back knocking. Knocking turns into banging and banging turns into screaming. Why won’t they go away? I clearly don’t want them here, but they are so persistent. I slowly get up, but remind myself how dangerous it can be to open it. I sit back down, but my twisted thoughts convince me it won’t be so bad just to check it out. So I get up, open that door, and welcome my guest. And it hurts just as bad as it ever did.

This is what it feels like every second of every day. The unfriendly urge to open that door and “welcome” this guest never leaves my mind. I’m so tired of unwelcome strangers. I’m so tired of this addiction. I’m so tired of alcohol. I’m so tired of how weak i am. I am so tired and ashamed at how easy it is for me to welcome alcohol into my life. Knowing damn well I’ve lost the most beautiful things to it.

I quite literally hate alcohol.