this is the last time i’ll write to you babi

I see your pictures with your new girl. You never posted for the camera like that before. I’ve never seen you smile that way, at least not when you were with me. You look so happy with your sandy toes on the beach, even though you said you don’t like beaches. And that’s when I realized you really love her.

Honestly, it sucks to be that girl – the one who was with you in between your two great loves, because I know the lengths you went for the girl before me and I see how you love loudly with the girl you replaced me with. Both of those are things you never did and never was when we were together. Sometimes it makes me think that you’re actually capable of loving genuinely, that you know how to treat a girl right, you just never did it to me. And it makes me spiral in self-doubt, in feeling unworthy and undeserving of love. I know my worth should never and will never be measured by how you (or other people in general) treat me. But there are times that knowing is not enough; that I need it to feel it in my bones for it to resonate.

I really hope that the happiness I see in social media is the same happiness (if not more) you are experiencing in your everyday life. I hope you’re finally free from shackles of the numbness you kept on telling me about before. I hope, that even though people made me realize you just used me as a rebound, that I somehow helped you in one way or another heal parts of yourself. And that I hope you are truly whole now, so that you can love your new girl in the way she deserves.

Gosh! I really did love you, didn’t I? And maybe some parts of me still do. But I no longer want you back. I just wish to be healed completely from all the trauma you passed on to me. I hope soon all these pain will go away and I will be happy too.