Has anyone else dealt with suicidal ideation after loss?

(TW: Discussion of suicide)

I lost my best friend tonight. I always said I would go when he goes. Before anyone reports me I AM NOT GOING TO DO IT I just want to talk to people who have had these same thoughts after pet loss. Tonight I am in so much pain I can’t stop thinking about it and I was wondering if anyone else experienced the same thoughts. I am in agony. If I weren’t so concerned with the pain it would cause the people who love me I would do it. I want to be with him. I don’t know how to live without him and I don’t want to. He is my soulmate. He took half of my soul with him. I don’t know where he is or if he’s ok and I just wish I could chase after him.

Has anyone else felt this way? Any advice?