I literally cannot stand my special needs child.

I feel like a terrible mother, but I literally cannot stand my autistic child. Let me preface this by saying that he was our pride and joy from the day he was born until he was about six years old.

He was the cutest most sweetest boy ever. We got him an early intervention the week he turned to because we weren’t seeing and we were seeing frequent tantrums, more than the normal two-year-old. And more intense. We had every possible service you could ask for and then got him into special ed preschool then pre-K then he started regular special ed school. We had another child when he was three. Our other child is Neurotypical. We’ve been kicked out of two condo complexes due to his tantrums and screaming and property damage. His tantrums are literally uncontrollable. And this is when he was little, he turns 12 in less than a month. We are the same size clothes, almost the same height and the same size weight. His tantrums are much more stream now or he will flip furniture, put holes in the wall, break windows, constantly, and electronics constantly. He hits every member of the family and refuses to even let me speak in his presence. Even talk to other people. About eight months ago, he punched me so hard in the face that I needed stitches on my eyebrow my entire eye turned blood red, and I had a bruise from the top of my forehead down to my chin for about three months.

I’ve had to have the police come and help restrain him for me so he doesn’t literally knock our entire house down, we’ve brought him to emergency psych services, and I kept him in the hospital for three months and he’s concussed a few of his staff members at school.

Let’s not even get started with the bathroom situation. Just this year he started peeing on the toilet but still refuses to sit or poop on the toilet. He wears big pull-ups but the second he goes he gets into it and wipes it all over. absolutely everything. Walls bedding, couches himself , everything. I literally can’t take it anymore and I don’t know what to do. My husband does not want to send him to residential placement, in the school said the behaviors he exhibits at school aren’t frequent enough for them to recommend it to the district, a.k.a., the district just isn’t going to pay for it. I can’t live like this anymore and I don’t know what to do.