PDA and ‘not saying anything’

I’ve observed a phenomenon—or perhaps a kind of trick—in social interactions that helps me better understand neurotypical communication patterns and regulate my own speech.

Neurotypicals often keep their words concise and to the point, avoiding long-winded explanations unless necessary. In many contexts, they are deliberate and restrained in their speech, rather than openly narrating details about their life or personal experiences.

One strategy I’ve found useful for understanding their perspective—and for putting brakes on my own words—is to mentally note when there are silences in the conversation. I repeat a simple mantra in my head: “She’s not saying anything” or “The person is not saying anything.”

This helps me recognize that they’re likely thinking, processing, or simply observing me—rather than expecting me to fill the silence. It gives me a clearer sense of their experience and prevents me from rushing to speak unnecessarily.

Sometimes communication is very non verbal as well, and reminding myself they are not saying anything is also very comforting.

I wanted to share this observation and am curious whether others who try it experience a similar effect.