How do you manage with two kids?

Hello Reddit, I don't know if I need advice or just want to vent.

I've been married for seven years and have two kids with my husband, a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old. We also have two large dogs. My husband is a surgeon and doesn’t have a fixed work schedule; sometimes he needs to stay at the hospital longer for emergency surgeries or because a surgery was delayed.

The problem is that many times I feel like I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown, maybe even burnout. I work outside the home, with a 44-hour workweek, but I’m also responsible for taking the kids to and from daycare, taking and picking up the dogs from daycare, doing all the grocery shopping, packing the kids’ bags for daycare, cooking, and effectively cleaning the house. We have a housekeeper who comes twice a week to help with the cleaning. I am responsible for waking up the kids, getting them dressed, giving them breakfast, and also putting them to bed (including the entire nighttime routine), often completely alone because my husband isn’t even home yet.

I handle buying new clothes when the old ones don't fit, taking the kids to the doctor, getting their vaccinations, and taking them to extracurricular activities like sports. Additionally, I manage a pet products resale website.

Since my son was born, I feel like I am going to lose it because sometimes I am completely alone at home with a thousand things to do: cooking, doing laundry, washing dishes, etc., and both kids want my attention. I have to clean up after they use the bathroom or bathe one while the other (usually the 1-year-old) cries nonstop because they’re not in my arms. I feel like I’m going to explode.

My husband earns the most money in the household, about five times more than I do, and there’s also the fact that he was raised in a machismo culture. When I ask for his help with everything, he says he's too busy bringing in money for the family... as if I don't work too. Anyway, the truth is that his money makes a big difference, and he’s hardly ever home.

How do you take care of two or more small children alone? How do you keep from going crazy? Do you manage all the household chores? Do you let the baby cry to make dinner, for example? I think I need some guidance.

Edit: I felt the need to provide some additional information. Despite being raised in a machismo culture and still doing far less than I would like, my husband is in therapy and has improved a lot, but he's still not anywhere near where I want him to be. For example, he never notices on his own what needs to be done to ease my load. In the morning, if I don't say anything, he will wake up, use the bathroom, take a leisurely shower, eat the breakfast I made, sometimes not even clearing his plate, and go to work while I'm in the chaos of waking up the two kids, making breakfast, putting on makeup, and getting ready for work. It never crosses his mind to think, "Hey, what if I change the baby's diaper?" Never! And constantly asking for help is also exhausting.

For those who suggested being a stay-at-home mom, I have nothing against it, but it wouldn't work for me. I work for a giant multinational company that everyone here definitely knows the brand of. I do difficult financial analyses and have daily contact with the CFO and other important positions in the company. Moreover, if at any point in my life I realize that my marriage isn't good, or that I no longer love my husband, I can simply leave the relationship. I have my own income and am not financially dependent on him, which is liberating for me. I don't want to be financially dependent on anyone.

Lastly, regarding a nanny, I never considered having one because the kids are at daycare all day. I only spend a few hours with them in the morning and evening. I feel that if I had someone else taking care of them during these times, I would be a terrible mother. I know, I can't have it all, but I don't know what to do. I'm not even sure if anyone would accept working just those hours, in the morning or evening. I'm afraid my kids would really miss me. I will seriously look into getting a nanny for the weekends because it's truly unsustainable! On that point, you are right.

Thank you to everyone who responded from the bottom of my heart.

Update: Hi Reddit, I didn't expect to give an update so soon or even provide any update on the situation, but after so many kind comments here (thanks to everyone who replied), I wanted to share the latest update.

I managed to talk to my husband—God knows how much I hate confrontations—but I was able to speak to him after discussing it with my therapist. Coincidentally, his therapist and our daughter's therapist also talked to him about how overwhelmed I was and how I was on the verge of breaking down.

He then decided to be more active at home. Now, he takes care of breakfast and goes out to buy things when we run out, without me needing to ask. On weekends, he’s been taking our oldest daughter out for bike rides or to the playground while I stay with the baby. He’s also been handling bath time and putting our oldest to bed.

It’s still less than I’d like, but it has relieved me so much that I can’t even explain it. In addition, he hired a cook to prepare meals and freeze them so that I don’t have to worry about that (though I had to do the shopping). On some weekends, we’ve also hired a babysitter to help me out, as he needed to work.

The morning and evening routines are still heavy, and I don’t see how we can change that at the moment. In my country, there aren’t teenagers willing to do babysitting work, but things are starting to fall into place.