I am the daughter of a narcissist

My mom has been with my dad for 37 years. I am 29. My dad is very likely to be a narcissist, antagonistic type. My mom will not leave my dad, but this is what happens when you do not leave a narcissist. Your children suffer. My dad was an emotional (and sometimes physical) terrorist to me for almost my entire life. He has destroyed my sense of self and my self esteem. I was gaslighted by him for most of my life to the point where I would have breakdowns about losing my mind or becoming “schizophrenic” as a teen and young adult because I thought I was literally going insane. I do not trust my judgement or my gut, especially in regard to interpersonal relationships. Because of this I entered into a dangerous relationship where I was raped and abused, which caused me even more emotional problems.

I have been called every name in the book by him, I have been embarrassed by him, made to feel small and insignificant by him and made to fear him. As a child he used to threaten to make me sleep on the floor, take away my bed, take away my clothes and throw away all my toys if I did not comply. To this day I never know what I will say to him that could possibly set him off and I have developed excessive hyper vigilance in response to always having to predict his moods. And I’m not even scratching the surface. Thankfully I have an amazing trauma therapist. So from the daughter of a narcissist, please if you can, leave them. Make a plan. For yourself and for your kids. I hope this can help anyone who is just holding on so their kids can have another parent, please don’t do that for us, leave for us.