rant :(

I already apologize for the horrible grammar and vocabulary I am about to use; english is not my first language. well i want to journal really bad but I struggle with doing the same. the reasons are I don't feel comfortable with myself somewhat and that i cease to be perfect and no less than perfect. it is destroying my want to journal. i used to journal when I was younger but stopped due to a traumatic event. back then I was a pen and paper sorta person but then i switched to digital stuff because of privacy reasons. now I want to go back to the pen and paper kinda journal but I am finding it impossible to do so. moreover it used to be fun to journal and make spreads and art and just let my feelings bleed onto paper but now it's so difficult to voice them. now when I open my journal I just feel empty. i cant even journal digitally now. although I do still feel passionately for writing. originally this post was not made to ask for advice but I would be glad to recieve any and all. also I am open to talk more in the comments.