How Should I Feel?

46m. Just left the VA after finding out the stage 3 colon cancer I was diagnosed after Thanksgiving has been upgraded to stage 4 because it has spread to my liver. After my colonectomy, I spent much of the time asking “why?” And “how?” and I finally came to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter. Today’s revelation has left me dumbfounded. Should I feel sad for the reality that the rest of my life will be significantly shorter and burdened by chemotherapy and whatever else is needed to slow my inevitable demise? Should I be happy for the fullness of the life I have lived and the success of my children? Should I feel angry? Should I feel energized or defeated? I’m lost and this is just the tip of the iceberg of the questions I have. Chemo will start next week and I’m scared.