Checking FB on midsummer's eve is pure suicide fuel...

I dunno if midsummer's eve is as huge a thing in the rest of the world as it is in Sweden? It's basically one of our biggest celebrations of the year, if not THE biggest.

The holiday is usually spent with family and friends, eating traditional Swedish food and drinking lots of "brännvin" (aquavit) and playing lawn games. Due to work stuff and the fact that I'm across the country, I couldn't celebrate with my family. So I'm just alone at home, playing Iron Banner PvP in Destiny 2.

Taking breaks, I scroll through FB. Literally everyone I know is off somewhere, with family, friends, lovers or significant others. Enjoying each other's company. ****, man. I always used to think think I'd have a rich social life at 30+, having had multiple and/or long term relationships. Not sitting alone in my flat, playing video games and eating junk. Not a single friend asking me to join them celebrating midsummer's eve.

I just don't know how to carry on anymore. The pain, depression and loneliness feels like it's literally killing me. Slowly but surely, yet death all the same. The say loneliness is worse for life expectancy than a lot of risk factors like being sedentary, smoking or having poor diet. Well, at the age of 32, I feel physically like 50, but mentally like a 12 year old. I basically only live for (good) food, memes and video games. **** this life. I've said it before, but wouldn't wish this for my worst enemy.