I feel like I’m going insane

Me and my ex have been NC for almost 3 years now and I feel like I’m going crazy. I really just need to vent.

I dumped him. He was not a good boyfriend towards the end. He barely talked to me and his focus was never on me. So yeah I dumped him because I deserve better. We ended on good terms and went NC naturally because we didn’t have much else to say to each other lol.

6 months after breaking up we broke NC and talked things through. We were on and off NC until he deleted me everywhere about three years ago. And literally ever since then I cannot stop thinking about him. It’s like talking to him made me want to be his friend again. And then it was just taken away from me.

I have no romantic interest in him but I just miss him so much like I have known him for over 10 years… I feel fucking insane for having these feelings.

I have not messaged him at all but have been on the verge a LOT. He did tell me a few times that I could always reach out and he would always help me if I needed anything but like… I don’t know I feel so fucking shit and bad and weird for having these feelings.

Anyway rant over. Maybe I am just a super sentimental person and I truly never can let anyone go that has been a significant part of my life.