Dry January and My Life

Hi.

I just wanted to share what Dry January did for me as a person. I can’t share this in my regular life but wanted to share with someone. I started drinking when I was 10. By 14 my drinking was consistent, by age 16 I was drinking almost every day, and by age 20 I was drinking every night til blackout.

I’m 33 now. Alcohol and drugs have been a huge part of my existence my entire life. When I was younger alcohol is what got me friends, gave me confidence to talk to girls, gave me a reason to have fun. We all know that the ride can’t last forever though. My health was deteriorating, I had constant panic attacks, “hangxiety” and was in the verge to losing my job and everything else. I had my plan for “unaliving” myself all laid out ready to go for when the string I was hanging on to broke.

At 32, January 2024, I decided to do dry January. I tried to quit so many times, many failed AA attempts. The longest I’ve gone sober before 2024 was 10 days and that was at 13 years old.

I was so determined this time to do it. One month. I was terrified. Idk.. I just thought my entire world would end without alcohol? Even though I was going to leave it, I thought it stopping while I was sober would be worse but I was determined to make it work for one month.

I went through 5 hard days of withdrawal (don’t do what I did. Looking back I should have been under doctor supervision) the sweats, insomnia, and auditory hallucinations were awful. But I sweated it out.

After two weeks I started to realize that…I’m still alive… and I feel ok. Better than ok. I felt the greatest I did in a long time… I read it’s called “the pink cloud” I rode the wave and made it through. Guess what? The earth kept spinning. I got motivation to go to the gym. To be happy again. To be sad again. To love again. To not regret my choices and the words I said.

Fast forward til today. I’m sober. I don’t go to AA or anything because It’s not a fight for me to not want a drink, but dry January made something click in me that I don’t need alcohol to live. I finally have my life back… or I guess I’m finally starting to live a life that I robbed from myself.

I guess I just wanted to share with someone as I got very good at being a closet alcoholic and don’t want anyone in my life to know how bad it got. Thanks everyone :-)