My bestest lil Rocket passed away earlier today. I am not ok

I came home from work today and witnessed one of my dogs in the front yard which was trippy because I am ALWAYS the one who lets them out after getting home from work. But this time it was different because I had family over and supposedly one of my cousins let them out and wouldn't you know it, they forgot to let them back in.

I walked into my house and my husky followed me inside. I was thinking since my other dog wasn't outside with her that he was probably inside my house somewhere. I was already mad at the fact someone else took my dogs out so I told my family in an aggravated way that whoever let them out "y'all NEED to keep an eye on them" I looked and kept looking but I just couldn't find him,not even in my back yard

At this point, I got scared. I decided to look around the street. I looked closer, and I see a brown spot about three houses away from mine. I immediately thought to myself "no no no NO" "that's not Chavez.. it can't be" but as I was getting closer. I could not believe what I was witnessing at all..

I immediately ran back to grab a towel and rushed closer towards him, hyperventilated, and started to ugly crying. Someone had ran over my best friend. In the middle of my own street. It was extremely difficult to keep myself controlled because I was just bawling tears. I hated seeing the puddle of blood next to his face, and seeing his left eye all bloody and bruised. I got my towel and wrapped him up and was just holding his lifeless body in my arms for a great 5 minutes at least. I was in a lifetime movie and I wish I was saying that in a joking way, but this dog has been my only companion since I was in the 4th grade and now he is gone.

My mother and I decided to cremate him (it's something we've decided if he were to pass suddenly). But when we took him to the place and set him on the table.. I really actually did not want to leave him there at all, knowing he's going to be cremated and lonely now without me to be with him. I was with him again for another 20 mins but it felt like 5. I was still talking to him in doggy talk and giving him his final scratches in his favorite spots. It was extremely hard for me to have to leave him there. I'm mad and upset

I am not at all okay. I am begging for advice, help, and whatever may keep me out of this darkness I'm currently in. Chavez was the only one who kept me safe and secure. Please help me anyone