How I became free from porn

I experienced a spiritual liberation from porn and I would like to share.

I was addicted to porn since I was a teenager when my older cousins presented me to porn and masturbation. But as long as I got closer to God in my personal relationship I started fighting against porn. I thought it would disappear when I married a girl and could finally have sex, but I was wrong and for many years I brought porn inside my marriage. Afters a couple years of marriage I decided to told my wife about my porn addiction and she got really destroyed because I lied to her every time she asked me about this. Unfortunately I did not look for help and just tried to fight it alone as always did. The addiction came back after some months. More years of porn addiction passed. I never really was completely given into practice of watching porn, it was always a fight, but every time it was just matter of time to fall again. Even though I never gave up on my relationship with God and always tried to know Him more and more over the years.

In a specific weekend I was fasting for three days only drinking water, I heard the voice of the Holy Spirit telling me to confess my sins to my wife again. I knew it was God talking to me, but I refused obeying him because I knew it would destroy her again. My sexual life with my wife has always been very problematic, since she has endometriosis and takes heavy medicine, she almost never has libido to do something with me, porn and masturbation had become my refuge, and because of that we don't used to have sex more than one time each 60 days. Porn images of other female bodies polluted my mind so deeply that I couldn't contemplate my own wife body anymore, leading me to erection problems though. Another year had passed and during a church service I felt one of the worst chest pains of my entire life, I really thought that I could be dying and was about to ask help when heard the unmistakable voice of the Holy Spirit saying to me "Why haven't you obeyed me yet? ". At that moment I decided that I would tell everything to my wife... again. From that church service until Friday night I didn't eat nothing, just drinking water for 5 days. It was the longest fasting I ever did. I spent the whole week preparing my self to tell her everything and woke up early in the morning every day. During my prayers in the crimson of Thursday I felt the direction of the Holy Spirit to spend the rest of the time nor just praying but fighting and rebuking the spirit of sexual immorality. I did it. Friday night I asked to talk to my wife and told her about the porn and masturbation addiction. I told her everything, without hiding nothing, even describing what I used to access. She got completely destroyed again, she took her alliance out of the finger and told me that for her our relationship was over. The entire weekend was a emotional torture, but I was sticking to God's demand, and trusting that He would help us. After three days of complete despair my wife had a dream of me putting the alliance back on her finger. She decided to obey God and stay with me, although feeling betrayed, and afraid of me falling in pond again.

During the next months after all of this I kept searching God with all of my heart, and He lead to that part of the scriptures when the disciples slept while Jesus was praying (Matthew 26:41). I asked God to teach me to keep vigilant, and He basically made me understand that I would never be immune to porn temptation, but seeking him by the morning, with all of my strength and heart was the key to the Grace necessary to resist. And I really never more felt in porn again since than, although the temptation to masturbate still more frequent. I believe the demon of immorality is gone, and that this kind of spirit won't go away without fasting and prayer.

Eventually, our marriage got better, not the same, but we are broken together. We are talking more about our sexual relationship and set a goal of have sex at least once per week. I'm committed first with God, looking for holiness, and committed to my wife, to not lie to her ever again. And also she's more conscious about my necessities and more sexually accessible.

May God help all of you lookin for porn free.