People with abusive parents that have passed away: how did you feel when they died?

How did it feel when it happened? If it was a long time ago how do you feel now?

I think about it all the time. I haven’t been able to go no contact and it’s damaging to me emotionally. I can’t have a relationship with them nor can I cut them out. I wonder if I’ll feel better when they’re gone or will I feel like there was something I could’ve done to make them have a basically sane & decent relationship with me?