It happened again.

I (21F) made a post on here not too long ago of my ex (27M) breaking up with me. We had gotten together around December and broke up in May. Well, he came back a week or two later and said he made a mistake. He had some realization that he was the issue and not me (he realized he had avoidant attachment due to childhood trauma). After a week or two of him convincing me that I could trust him, we got back together. Things were WONDERFUL for the first 2-3 months… He was legitimately a different person. He was everything I dreamed of.

Well, since the end of July/beginning of August, he’s been pulling away and creating distance. I called him out for it and told him when he pulls away like that, the more arguments we have as I have a more anxious attachment. He said he would work on it. I brought up therapy again, and he finally went last week. However, our biggest issue, was that he changed his mind on our commitment status. When we got back together, he said he can see himself marrying me and having a life with me. But in the last month, he can’t promise that level of commitment and will see if therapy will fix it. During one discussion, he kept saying “how do you know I’m the one? How are you so sure?” This hurt me so badly, because I would wait for him, as long as I know I have something to wait for… in other words, I wanted to hear he wanted it as badly as I did.

Anyway, by the time he went to therapy, I was at my limit, especially with the commitment stuff. I felt betrayed. I broke up with him officially on Monday. I gave him the opportunity to talk about the direction we should take our relationship and he just explained that he was miserable and struggling again. He completely blamed me for why our relationship was failing and said he has been doing the work… I’ll be honest, I feel guilty. He was working on some things and he did start going to therapy, but it always felt like he did it out of obligation. I do have things I need to keep working on, but I’ve been going to therapy for months on my owns. Did I do the right thing? Do avoidants truly change? I’m really hurt and sad that we ended similar to before and I feel like I should’ve kept being there for him.