Lonely

When I am alone, which is a lot since I live alone - I feel lonely. I can’t make myself watching shows, films, read, do stuff for myself like grocery, sporting, going to musea or cinema. I can’t make promises with myself and I always end up being in bed, scrolling, overthinking, feeling miserable, longing for deep connection with someone or people that feel like family..

Also when I am scrolling through my phone, looking for someone to hang out with (if I have enough balls to ask, because I mostly end up with asking and getting rejected) I am also aware that there are a lot of people where I find them always handling problems with toxic positivity or something I don’t feel nice with and I am already like meh, nah never mind. I will stay alone again then.

Sometimes when I am with a close friend and I am really longing for a chilling (the kind of chillings you just be together and don’t plan to go home, you just go home when you feel like it) my friends are always busy and find a space to just have a tea at my place and need to move on again (which is totally normal) but I can never relax with the idea that someone comes and also goes away soon. Better come not in my experience..

But yeah do people experience similar stuff?