4 years after breakup I still cry

And don’t know if I made a mistake of my life. Every thought of him makes me first smile, and then comes a realization that this is no longer the reality, and I start sobbing like a child. I thought with time it gets better, but it always hurts the same. We broke up because of different life circumstances. It happens, but we truly loved and cared for each other. I regret not following love instead of carrier. I often think about telling him how I’ve been feeling since, but I’m afraid it would only be egoistic on my side. I’m afraid of living with it for the rest of my life and carrying this regret and sadness.